Hello World...
I hope your day went well and that your night is going even better. :-) So I'd actually thought about this blog a few days ago but life happened and I forgot about it until my blog where I ended up stressing to my bretheren and sisters to never settle. So that's the title of this blog.
*The context of this blog is in referencing to settling for less. Dictionary.com states: settle for, to be satisfied with: to settle for less.*
I thought about it because of an AM radio station/talk show I listen to online out of Houston daily from 10 to about 4pm KCOH 1430am and one show that airs from 11 to 3p is hosted by Wash Allen, who has been on the airwaves for years and years AND who has managed musical artists like Bobby Womack and the O'Jays in their early years. I found that out yesterday! How cool is that?? Ok so he has this segment called "Confessions" where people can either call in or write in about a certain life situation and they want advice. So then he has a following (and now i'm one of them) called "the soothsayers" that call in and give advice and some of them throw in a few jabs from time to time but mostly give advice. So one day this guy wrote in and said he'd been married for 5 years and had fallen out of love with his wife, that he was no longer "in love" with her. He said she was a good person but he wasn't into her anymore. And immediately I thought about some of the young married (and i mean like my age young) that I see out and about and the husband is having a ball and enjoying himself and the wife is sitting there like a bump on the wall OR the marriages where the wife is a social butterfly and the husband is the wet rag on every occasion. I thought about the friends that I know that got married due to pregnancy and are now either divorced or heading in that direction. I thought about me and my early age marriage and how I thought that I needed to get married at a certain age and just marry whomever I was dating and when we finally did the do, we didn't need to because our relationship was really shitty and I still married him , I settled and i was miserable!
So when the soothsayers started calling in, a lot of them were advising him to stay with her because she loved him and if he loved her once, he'd fall in love again and, to add cayenne to your eye, he'd need somebody to take care of him when he got old. I heard this one dude compare the situation to his own parents saying how they had their problems, his dad cheated, had outside kids but his mom stayed there like a trooper and he needed her to take care of him. I'm sitting there with my mouth open thinking "what type of damn example is that to set for your kids? my mom and dad didn't have a faithful relationship but hey mom stuck around and that's the kind of relationship to have." Are you shitting me???? Listen to me and listen well...NEVER SETTLE! Don't get with somebody because they fit a checklist you have if you don't have that connection, the emotions, if they don't put a smile on your face when you think of them or when they enter the room...stop and do both of you a favor and move on. I had a friend of mine to suggest that I go out with a "great guy" she knows...right..so she then tells me he is not african american and that I should broaden my horizons and I should basically force myself to be attracted to someone that I'm not. And I was like, hey i salute love to ALL that find love with whomever they find it with but I know what i like and then she says "he has money"...are you shitting me? You actually think that a man's money will make me jump in a relationship and I'm not attracted to them? Wow! So we laughed it off but that really got under my skin, i shrugged it off to the fact that she didn't really really know me in that area. So it made me flashback to a relationship I had with this guy i met in school in Houston. He was an engineer major and he was working for a company in his field, nice looking (to me) but I chose to look over some other stuff that I knew I didn't really like. I LOVE a good smelling man..cologne is an aphrodisiac...he didn't wear cologne. (strike one) For the most part, I like to keep a neat home but I most definitely keep my dirty clothes in the hamper and wash once a week..this dude used to throw his dirty socks on the side of my bed. I figured that out when all of a sudden my room started smelling like a locker room. I told him about it and he thought it was funny. (strike 2) So then a birthday came (and this was pre-throwing my own parties) and I had to tell him/remind him to take me to dinner. (strike 3) You see I once again settled...this relationship was AFTER my shitty marriage and you'd think I learned my lesson. Nope. Now, the "settlers" would say, he's going to make a lot of money, who cares if he doesn't wear cologne, who cares if he doesn't think to put his dirty socks in the hamper, who cares if he doesn't remember your birthday..just remind him of all of that and be happy with the money. One concept that I have about marriage is to be attracted to my husband and want to be around him. *hey i'm just saying* You do you, I'll do me.
So to ALL of the settlers...enjoy your mediocre existence..shopping sprees and all..it's a shame you have that emptiness that you use money to fill instead of the emotional connection you long from a mate. To my single friends, don't settle. If it ain't what you want, if your skin crawls instead of tingles that's a sign.
If you haven't gotten the message yet...NEVER SETTLE!!!!!
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