Sunday, September 9, 2012
Oh Lord bless me indeed.....
*click here for your blog theme music*
Bless me, bless me
Oh Lord, bless me indeed,
Enlarge my territory
Oh Lord, bless me indeed
(I pray for increase)
Bless me indeed
music credit: Donald Lawrence and Tri-City Singers
Hello World.....
If you've read my previous blog posts you'll know that I've been visiting a church recently thanks to the encouragement of my Aries brother and I joined today as an official member. I've been visiting consistently for the past week at the Action Living Conference at Gospel Tabernacle Church and I've been on a uphill climb trying to get my complete sanity back and it's been a travel BUT God has surrounded me with SO many positive people that keep my upbeat in different ways that's it's bananas! There have been times that I've sensed myself going into a state of sadness or depression and my phone rings with someone on the other line saying "hey let's go to do ABC, XYZ." Not something crazy but all of my friends are connected to the same hobbies and likes that I have so it's something that is instantly a spirit lifter. ok so anyway, I haven't had a church home in quite some time and my Aries brother invited me and I finally visited and prayed and asked God to let me know that I'm supposed to be there and each time by the end of the service I got it..my answer that is. So I'm no longer floating and on hiatus, I'll get some Word, some focus to push forward to the next level. I'm soooooo happy about that.
So anyway, I just had to share with you guys and I want to encourage you to push forward and don't sit back and don't settle for the mediocre. Nothing about your life is mediocre. It doesn't matter what anyone else says about you, you were born with a destiny, finish your objective! Do it!
Love you...peace and blessings!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
I told the storm...
Hello World...
*click here for your theme music*
So just recently I have begun reclaiming my spiritual journey...slowly but truly. Being raised in church and having my own relationship with God, a church home is the norm for me. When I moved here from Houston back in 2004 I joined two spots..one due to popularity of a daily TV ministry I watched in Houston which ended up being something else entirely...the other one I was spiritually drawn to and once there the message ALWAYS matched my prayer need, my spiritual gifts were flowing but there was an off aura in the sanctuary from the congregation. More of "look at me" than "let me help you" and I had to get on outta there before I got bitter. I haven't had a church home in quite some time. I've visited churches but never felt a full connection...so I was still searching.
A few years back a good girlfriend of mine who knows my love for spoken word, music and my birthday sign (Aries stand up! LOL), bought me a ticket to a J Fly/Fly Trap birthday concert a few years ago at the now defunct Sambucas on Piedmont which happened to also be the weekend of my birthday. I found out that our birthdays are 2 days apart (how cool!) so I knew this had to be a good guy. I mean hey he's an Aries and we're good people and plus his life actions showed what he's about. So I became acquainted with this phenomenon called J Fly (whom I nicknamed Aries..hey it's our sign. LOL) and his non-profit organization "How Big Is Your Dream". At this point, I am a fan of the organization of which I've blogged about in a previous post (see Follow the Signs) and in response to the first blog, J and I ended up having a discussion. We discussed my religious background, our church experiences and the similarities and instead of him saying "hey why aren't you in church?" (something i've grown used to hearing from people at this point) he said "hey come visit my church". And from this discussion we have become cool friends. He's a tad younger, so he's like the younger, wise brother I've never had. (I have a younger brother but that's a whole 'nother ball game... O_o) ANYway....when you meet people that just have good spirits, especially a man, please know that a great woman of that same spirit "ain't" far away. After becoming a fan of the organization, me and my friends would make sure to get to an event if the Fly Trap was playing so I normally only saw Mrs Flynn in her volunteer mode during all of J's events, passing out flyers and whatever else needed to be done but I've gotten a chance to actually meet her and what a beautiful spirit and their daughter is a mini-me of both of these spirits! As you can tell by this last comment, eventually I visited the church and needless to say, I'm hooked! It's a little scary but I'm going to roll with it.
Ok that's the preface...let's get to the meat....so I am now piecing everything back together and this past Sunday I not only went to 11am service but attended the first night of the Action Living Conference and just attended tonight. I almost didn't go. Coming out of a holiday weekend, I was feeling real peaceful today (Tuesday) in a weird kind of way and during a morning convo, I was asked "how i was feeling" and my answer was "peaceful in a weird kind of way". So my friend asked me "how is peace weird?" and I had to laugh and said "because i rarely have it". So i'm wondering if I spoke the craziness into existence. (hmmm) I make that statement because by the end of the day, i was stressing. Missed class due to having to wait around at work until some stuff got finished [ok cool i would've been just a few minutes late] and THEN got to my car and [what do we have] oh yeah, a flat tire! So I traipse on across the street to GoodYear because I'd had a tire fixed and my tires were rotated so I was thinking it was the same one..oh no..this was a different tire...another nail in a different tire. [who woulda thunk it???] not I! So then the mechanic says oh yeah it was a different tire so that'll be $32.95. [WHAT??] Can I just tell you that at this point, I wasn't at the point of crying, I was just irritated and numb. How could a basically good spirited day end up like this? I immediately told him right then and there I don't have any money to pay for this because I thought it was the same tire which would've been no charge. So the guy kinda looked at me and then gave me my keys and said "you're good to go". I hope I didn't yell at him, I don't even really remember being there like I know it happened but I was so numb by this time. So I eventually drive away but I'm stressing and by this time it's about 5pm, I needed to be in class for 5:30p but now I'm in major traffic. Ok with all of this happening, I still needed to go to campus to get a new parking permit for Fall 2012 and the office that I need to go to closes at 7pm...i get there at 7:01p and baaaaybay they are CLOSED!!! [GREAT!] I've missed class and wasn't able to get a new parking permit. So i'ma have to hit it tomorrow(today) but by now I'm pretty much over being stressed and I'm just kinda like numb + thinking "ok Lord..what in the heck is happening right now?". By the time I got back to my car...i wanted a drink..well a part of me did and another part of me said "uuuuh excuse me ma'am go to church!" and at this point, I'd actually vented to a couple of people including my Aries brother and he made the response that needed to be said "come to church". So as I went through my stages of emotional madness, I pointed my car towards church and went!
Praise and Worship was effective but I was still numb and still stressing...I was singing but felt a disconnect somewhere, somehow hollowed out...and so I asked God to show me if I didn't need to be at this church to show me if he was leading me elsewhere. Once Pastor Riva Tims got up, she got right into the Word and her title was "Don't Let the Storm Stop You" [REALLY?] Immediately I had a flashback of my experiences when I went to church in Houston at my home church Abundant Life Cathedral. Everytime I stepped in that sanctuary, Pastor Ed's sermon would knock me upside my head with an answer to my current dilemma. Well She hit the nail on the head, including the flat tire. Too funny!!!!! It was like God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying "I'm happening right now, pay attention." So God showed me right quick that I do need to be at Gospel Tabernacle Church and next Sunday will be my time to step up. Anyway, she told us about 3 types of storms we encounter:
So that sermon is what I needed to reactivate/engage my memory and act right! LOL! I have to laugh at myself because I'm sitting around worried about what people think of me instead of what God thinks of me. Not in the manner of bad reputation, I mean I almost reverted back to an old mindset where I was worried of people were making fun of me or talking about me (1st storm type) and that's bananas! So thank you Father for re-directing me to a place that I can regroup and react accordingly. I had to remind myself of the Nissa that was strong and stubborn and got stuff done versus the one that decided to give up! So thank you Lord, for real!
So my bottomline message to anyone reading this is when you know that you have a spiritual assignment, when you see that each time you take a step forward, miraculously the next door opens and you're able to keep going. When you see that you are in that type of situation but your current surroundings don't seem to line up with what needs to be done. When your resources don't seem to be there for what you know needs to be done, keep going forward.
The song that the Minister of Worship ( Elder Darwin Hobbs) ministered after Pastor Tims's sermon was Israel Houghton's "I will follow you Forward". The chorus exclaims:
*click here for your theme music*
So just recently I have begun reclaiming my spiritual journey...slowly but truly. Being raised in church and having my own relationship with God, a church home is the norm for me. When I moved here from Houston back in 2004 I joined two spots..one due to popularity of a daily TV ministry I watched in Houston which ended up being something else entirely...the other one I was spiritually drawn to and once there the message ALWAYS matched my prayer need, my spiritual gifts were flowing but there was an off aura in the sanctuary from the congregation. More of "look at me" than "let me help you" and I had to get on outta there before I got bitter. I haven't had a church home in quite some time. I've visited churches but never felt a full connection...so I was still searching.
A few years back a good girlfriend of mine who knows my love for spoken word, music and my birthday sign (Aries stand up! LOL), bought me a ticket to a J Fly/Fly Trap birthday concert a few years ago at the now defunct Sambucas on Piedmont which happened to also be the weekend of my birthday. I found out that our birthdays are 2 days apart (how cool!) so I knew this had to be a good guy. I mean hey he's an Aries and we're good people and plus his life actions showed what he's about. So I became acquainted with this phenomenon called J Fly (whom I nicknamed Aries..hey it's our sign. LOL) and his non-profit organization "How Big Is Your Dream". At this point, I am a fan of the organization of which I've blogged about in a previous post (see Follow the Signs) and in response to the first blog, J and I ended up having a discussion. We discussed my religious background, our church experiences and the similarities and instead of him saying "hey why aren't you in church?" (something i've grown used to hearing from people at this point) he said "hey come visit my church". And from this discussion we have become cool friends. He's a tad younger, so he's like the younger, wise brother I've never had. (I have a younger brother but that's a whole 'nother ball game... O_o) ANYway....when you meet people that just have good spirits, especially a man, please know that a great woman of that same spirit "ain't" far away. After becoming a fan of the organization, me and my friends would make sure to get to an event if the Fly Trap was playing so I normally only saw Mrs Flynn in her volunteer mode during all of J's events, passing out flyers and whatever else needed to be done but I've gotten a chance to actually meet her and what a beautiful spirit and their daughter is a mini-me of both of these spirits! As you can tell by this last comment, eventually I visited the church and needless to say, I'm hooked! It's a little scary but I'm going to roll with it.
Ok that's the preface...let's get to the meat....so I am now piecing everything back together and this past Sunday I not only went to 11am service but attended the first night of the Action Living Conference and just attended tonight. I almost didn't go. Coming out of a holiday weekend, I was feeling real peaceful today (Tuesday) in a weird kind of way and during a morning convo, I was asked "how i was feeling" and my answer was "peaceful in a weird kind of way". So my friend asked me "how is peace weird?" and I had to laugh and said "because i rarely have it". So i'm wondering if I spoke the craziness into existence. (hmmm) I make that statement because by the end of the day, i was stressing. Missed class due to having to wait around at work until some stuff got finished [ok cool i would've been just a few minutes late] and THEN got to my car and [what do we have] oh yeah, a flat tire! So I traipse on across the street to GoodYear because I'd had a tire fixed and my tires were rotated so I was thinking it was the same one..oh no..this was a different tire...another nail in a different tire. [who woulda thunk it???] not I! So then the mechanic says oh yeah it was a different tire so that'll be $32.95. [WHAT??] Can I just tell you that at this point, I wasn't at the point of crying, I was just irritated and numb. How could a basically good spirited day end up like this? I immediately told him right then and there I don't have any money to pay for this because I thought it was the same tire which would've been no charge. So the guy kinda looked at me and then gave me my keys and said "you're good to go". I hope I didn't yell at him, I don't even really remember being there like I know it happened but I was so numb by this time. So I eventually drive away but I'm stressing and by this time it's about 5pm, I needed to be in class for 5:30p but now I'm in major traffic. Ok with all of this happening, I still needed to go to campus to get a new parking permit for Fall 2012 and the office that I need to go to closes at 7pm...i get there at 7:01p and baaaaybay they are CLOSED!!! [GREAT!] I've missed class and wasn't able to get a new parking permit. So i'ma have to hit it tomorrow(today) but by now I'm pretty much over being stressed and I'm just kinda like numb + thinking "ok Lord..what in the heck is happening right now?". By the time I got back to my car...i wanted a drink..well a part of me did and another part of me said "uuuuh excuse me ma'am go to church!" and at this point, I'd actually vented to a couple of people including my Aries brother and he made the response that needed to be said "come to church". So as I went through my stages of emotional madness, I pointed my car towards church and went!
Praise and Worship was effective but I was still numb and still stressing...I was singing but felt a disconnect somewhere, somehow hollowed out...and so I asked God to show me if I didn't need to be at this church to show me if he was leading me elsewhere. Once Pastor Riva Tims got up, she got right into the Word and her title was "Don't Let the Storm Stop You" [REALLY?] Immediately I had a flashback of my experiences when I went to church in Houston at my home church Abundant Life Cathedral. Everytime I stepped in that sanctuary, Pastor Ed's sermon would knock me upside my head with an answer to my current dilemma. Well She hit the nail on the head, including the flat tire. Too funny!!!!! It was like God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying "I'm happening right now, pay attention." So God showed me right quick that I do need to be at Gospel Tabernacle Church and next Sunday will be my time to step up. Anyway, she told us about 3 types of storms we encounter:
- the minor storm that just tests your faith that irritates you (i.e. people talking about you)
- the YOU storm where there is no one or nothing else stopping you but you (i.e. self-sabotage)
- the spiritual storm that you go through to relocate you to where you need to be for your next level
So that sermon is what I needed to reactivate/engage my memory and act right! LOL! I have to laugh at myself because I'm sitting around worried about what people think of me instead of what God thinks of me. Not in the manner of bad reputation, I mean I almost reverted back to an old mindset where I was worried of people were making fun of me or talking about me (1st storm type) and that's bananas! So thank you Father for re-directing me to a place that I can regroup and react accordingly. I had to remind myself of the Nissa that was strong and stubborn and got stuff done versus the one that decided to give up! So thank you Lord, for real!
So my bottomline message to anyone reading this is when you know that you have a spiritual assignment, when you see that each time you take a step forward, miraculously the next door opens and you're able to keep going. When you see that you are in that type of situation but your current surroundings don't seem to line up with what needs to be done. When your resources don't seem to be there for what you know needs to be done, keep going forward.
The song that the Minister of Worship ( Elder Darwin Hobbs) ministered after Pastor Tims's sermon was Israel Houghton's "I will follow you Forward". The chorus exclaims:
Friday, August 31, 2012
Final Destination..
Hello World.....
This one popped in my head right before I closed my eyes to head to lala land...enjoy!
*click here for your theme music* (no copyright infringement intended)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final Destination
I hear the key in the lock, a smile on my face as I look at the clock..
A "Hey Babe" as I check the skillets and pots on the stove brings a quiver from the top of my head to my toes...
My man is home at the end of the day, time to switch hats from corporate life to husband/wife time and play..
I love this dude and he's all I need and I want...
My heart skips a beat because I know when it's all said and done, I'm his final destination...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**Third Installment by Nissa K**
Created by Nissa K
This one popped in my head right before I closed my eyes to head to lala land...enjoy!
*click here for your theme music* (no copyright infringement intended)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final Destination
I hear the key in the lock, a smile on my face as I look at the clock..
A "Hey Babe" as I check the skillets and pots on the stove brings a quiver from the top of my head to my toes...
My man is home at the end of the day, time to switch hats from corporate life to husband/wife time and play..
I love this dude and he's all I need and I want...
My heart skips a beat because I know when it's all said and done, I'm his final destination...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**Third Installment by Nissa K**
Created by Nissa K
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Oneness...
Hello World...
so my day ended with an invitation from a good friend of mine to experience a type of sisterhood meeting at her church Hillside International Truth Center. It's a meditation meeting, allowing those in attendance to close off the world for a few moments and quiet the noise in your head and become one with yourself. To be able to think clearly...and for the first time in a looooong time i was able to talk myself out of hearing the noise. I jokingly speak of having a reset button because I want to start some things over in my life BUT as we know there is no such button...however if you continue to live and go forward, you can enhance and correct some things. it's just that simple. Oh man it was a beautiful thing! And I was thinking back to how it normally is with like a revival service, where you experience this short-lived euphoria but this is feeling different. Apparently people have these meditation services throughout the city and I'm thinking I need to find and join one. There's no $$ involved, it's just people who care about your soul/spirit and your relationship with God.
I'm so glad I went, it has created some newness in my Oneness. :-D
So anyway, I just wanted to share...
*peace and blessings*
so my day ended with an invitation from a good friend of mine to experience a type of sisterhood meeting at her church Hillside International Truth Center. It's a meditation meeting, allowing those in attendance to close off the world for a few moments and quiet the noise in your head and become one with yourself. To be able to think clearly...and for the first time in a looooong time i was able to talk myself out of hearing the noise. I jokingly speak of having a reset button because I want to start some things over in my life BUT as we know there is no such button...however if you continue to live and go forward, you can enhance and correct some things. it's just that simple. Oh man it was a beautiful thing! And I was thinking back to how it normally is with like a revival service, where you experience this short-lived euphoria but this is feeling different. Apparently people have these meditation services throughout the city and I'm thinking I need to find and join one. There's no $$ involved, it's just people who care about your soul/spirit and your relationship with God.
I'm so glad I went, it has created some newness in my Oneness. :-D
So anyway, I just wanted to share...
*peace and blessings*
Monday, August 27, 2012
After the praise dance...
Hello World...
Well it's Monday and I'm still drawing breath. As the old folks say my bed wasn't my cooling board and I appreciate that but still have some anxious thoughts. I talked about Tradewinds in my last post (Sunday aug 26th) and went to a church service where the two ministers that got up and spoke a Word pretty much about what I'm dealing with behind my closed doors. I never take events like that for granted or as coincidence. Yes there a billion people in the world and we all deal with the same issues behind closed doors, even though we try not to share it, but I just tend to take stuff seriously, especially if i've been praying about it.
The first thing was: practical application of the Word. I'd just talked about that in my blog and one of the ministers spoke on it in the same area I was thinking and touching on. so that was confirmation that God still hears me in my prayers.
The second topic came when the Pastor got up for his sermon. He was finishing a segment on a woman's role in her marriage. and one thing he stepped on my bunion with was - the woman is the manager of the relationship...she must know how to manage the household effectively and efficiently.
As a single woman, I must be, should have been learning how to manage my household effectively and efficiently. I do recall a time period in my life where that was true. My budget was tight and my credit was good. At some point that quit being my life truth and i've been a bad manager ever since. So i've been a bad manager longer that i've been a good manager. (sadness) A successful man does not want a bad manager for a wife, therefore i'm not ready to be in anybody's relationship. (truth and sadness)
Now after the praise dance and you've received the Word and allowed your emotions to well up and overflow and all of the "thank god, thank jesus, hallelujah" exclamations have stopped you have to deal with your man in the mirror. What do you do after the praise dance? You allow yourself to be human for about 3 to 5 seconds and be angry or sad or whatever and then you start looking for solutions. Positive solutions. How did it effect me you ask? Well i'm glad you asked. I'm not ashamed. I was pissed, sad, angry for not fixing what i already knew was an issue. And at 40 with no kids and just now making a transition into what i really want to do in life, that information (which i already knew) being brought up again was a splash of cold water to bring me back to reality. The reality that you can't roll around living paycheck to paycheck all your life and have a happy, no stress life. It's so many other things that happen in life that give you stress; why bring stress on yourself? So after i got thru being mad..I realized that I'd already started turning stuff around. It's amazing how you lose sight of the positive stuff as long as you stay mad at the negative. LOL!! You get tunnel vision on the wrong stuff.
Anyway...after the praise dance for that Sunday or Wednesday or whenever you have your emotional spill over...you figure out a new plan and you keep dancing as you Praise Him in advance!! *BOOM*
*peace and blessings*
Well it's Monday and I'm still drawing breath. As the old folks say my bed wasn't my cooling board and I appreciate that but still have some anxious thoughts. I talked about Tradewinds in my last post (Sunday aug 26th) and went to a church service where the two ministers that got up and spoke a Word pretty much about what I'm dealing with behind my closed doors. I never take events like that for granted or as coincidence. Yes there a billion people in the world and we all deal with the same issues behind closed doors, even though we try not to share it, but I just tend to take stuff seriously, especially if i've been praying about it.
The first thing was: practical application of the Word. I'd just talked about that in my blog and one of the ministers spoke on it in the same area I was thinking and touching on. so that was confirmation that God still hears me in my prayers.
The second topic came when the Pastor got up for his sermon. He was finishing a segment on a woman's role in her marriage. and one thing he stepped on my bunion with was - the woman is the manager of the relationship...she must know how to manage the household effectively and efficiently.
As a single woman, I must be, should have been learning how to manage my household effectively and efficiently. I do recall a time period in my life where that was true. My budget was tight and my credit was good. At some point that quit being my life truth and i've been a bad manager ever since. So i've been a bad manager longer that i've been a good manager. (sadness) A successful man does not want a bad manager for a wife, therefore i'm not ready to be in anybody's relationship. (truth and sadness)
Now after the praise dance and you've received the Word and allowed your emotions to well up and overflow and all of the "thank god, thank jesus, hallelujah" exclamations have stopped you have to deal with your man in the mirror. What do you do after the praise dance? You allow yourself to be human for about 3 to 5 seconds and be angry or sad or whatever and then you start looking for solutions. Positive solutions. How did it effect me you ask? Well i'm glad you asked. I'm not ashamed. I was pissed, sad, angry for not fixing what i already knew was an issue. And at 40 with no kids and just now making a transition into what i really want to do in life, that information (which i already knew) being brought up again was a splash of cold water to bring me back to reality. The reality that you can't roll around living paycheck to paycheck all your life and have a happy, no stress life. It's so many other things that happen in life that give you stress; why bring stress on yourself? So after i got thru being mad..I realized that I'd already started turning stuff around. It's amazing how you lose sight of the positive stuff as long as you stay mad at the negative. LOL!! You get tunnel vision on the wrong stuff.
Anyway...after the praise dance for that Sunday or Wednesday or whenever you have your emotional spill over...you figure out a new plan and you keep dancing as you Praise Him in advance!! *BOOM*
*peace and blessings*
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Tradewinds of our times...
Hello World...
*click here for your theme music*
I woke up this morning with a song in my head that is on repeat which is a good thing..it's a great song, great artist, great lyrics. The words definitely fit my outlook on life, describes a lot of what i'm looking at, feeling like.
Here i stand looking, looking around me
While all around me what do I see
unhappy faces, behind a painted smile
heartache and lonliness dressed in modern style
unhappy people living in sin and shame
reflections of myself, life is no easy game
we're caught in the tradewinds..the tradewinds of our time....
Thank you to Randy Crawford for recording this one. I think several other artists recorded it but Randy had my attention. These words stuck in my brain back in the 80s and from time to time when I need to calm down and meditate this is one of the artists I can listen to for inspiration. I'm not really sure what my content is supposed to be today, maybe just to talk something out and maybe somebody somewhere reading this is needing to talk out the same thing. Who knows *kanye shrug*.
Those lyrics above and the first song playing in your theme music describes what i've been dealing with all my life. Seems like i've never fit in anywhere i think from birth i've felt like an outcast. Born to two college students and left by myself (for the most part) to figure life out and even though i had no true teachers for certain things, when i didn't figure stuff out, i'd get ridiculed and/or made fun of...by adults...really? oh don't get it twisted, it's very easy to be in a HUGE family/group and feel lonely. How does one grow into a confident adult when your foundation is laced with ridicule? And then at school to be ridiculed because you didn't look like every other girl...yep i was the tall, skinny (90 pounds wet), dark skinned girl, the only thing that saved me was my talent (singing, playing piano) and the fact that was related to all of Brenham in some sort of way. It was in high school that I learned to develop walls and tough skin. You've got to learn to laugh it off when someone makes fun of you because your mother takes you to Houston (the city) to get your hair braided and nobody in your small town is wearing their hair like that. So you get made fun of for the fact that in the winter time, instead of a regular coat everybody else is wearing in the winter, you got Ugg boots with fur, a leather pant suit and floor length rabbit fur to keep you warm...i should mention this was in the 80s. Yep I was different...how dare i be different...and if i'd just stuck with my stubborness of being different i'd be in a whole different world right now. but at some point, my will broke and became somewhat like everybody else...well i tried to be. It was at this point that i realized i'm not like everybody else...at all.
The tradewinds of my life right now is that i'm still trying to fit a square peg into a circle. I'm slowly inching myself over to the right square opening but at this age, I'm feeling a tad vexed and upset at myself because I took so freakin' long to do it. I worked with one of my fave ATL bands last night Gurufish ..working the merch table and when i got home last night, I had added $$ to my pocket versus spending $$ on drinks or admission or whatever. and i'm thinking this morning, you know that's exactly what i'm supposed to be doing...adding $$ to my pockets at the end of the night versus spending $$..this just adds to the motivation to keep going in the route i'm going..i'm talking about school/sound engineering or wherever this degree takes me. i'm connected to toooooooo many industry/entertainment/musician people as true friends to not be about to do some damage in my old age. one thing that saddens me is that i've let my internal confusion take too much time and i won't get to be a mommy. i didn't think it would effect me as much as it does..but it does. yep my first marriage was a bust and i've seen a lot of infidelity but the deepest part of me still believes in one love, being the apple of "his" eye, one family unit versus the new baby mama/daddy thing that's happening. Not sure what's going to happen there but that's too emotional to deal with right now.
Wow i'm sharing some stuff right now...whomever is need of this let me close out by saying..don't let life drag you down...don't let your circumstances, your current circumstances drag you down and make you count yourself out of the game of life. Keep fighting, keep your passion alive, do it..do NOT leave this earth without experiencing what it's like to do your thing! And don't EVER tell yourself you're not good enough, that in itself will knock you out of the running when opportunity comes up. You'll talk your own self out of the game...DON'T do it!! Stay in there...God will send you friends that are there for you to keep you uplifted..listen to them and store what they tell you in your spiritual mind/ear. When you need it, it'll come back and even though i don't have one here in the "A"..find a ministry that can be your foundation in the Word. Find a place that will show you how to read, study and apply those scriptures to your life. That's really what God wants us to do anyway..learn and apply. all of the other pomp and circumstance is fluff and should be ignored. (but that's a WHOLE nother story)
So......i need to go get dressed now..i've told myself we are going to church today and i will not do a self-sabotage move and be late. So thank you for traveling with me..and remember to stay motivated and cherish the love you have, every moment as long as you shall live...
*peace and blessings*
*click here for your theme music*
I woke up this morning with a song in my head that is on repeat which is a good thing..it's a great song, great artist, great lyrics. The words definitely fit my outlook on life, describes a lot of what i'm looking at, feeling like.
Here i stand looking, looking around me
While all around me what do I see
unhappy faces, behind a painted smile
heartache and lonliness dressed in modern style
unhappy people living in sin and shame
reflections of myself, life is no easy game
we're caught in the tradewinds..the tradewinds of our time....
Thank you to Randy Crawford for recording this one. I think several other artists recorded it but Randy had my attention. These words stuck in my brain back in the 80s and from time to time when I need to calm down and meditate this is one of the artists I can listen to for inspiration. I'm not really sure what my content is supposed to be today, maybe just to talk something out and maybe somebody somewhere reading this is needing to talk out the same thing. Who knows *kanye shrug*.
Those lyrics above and the first song playing in your theme music describes what i've been dealing with all my life. Seems like i've never fit in anywhere i think from birth i've felt like an outcast. Born to two college students and left by myself (for the most part) to figure life out and even though i had no true teachers for certain things, when i didn't figure stuff out, i'd get ridiculed and/or made fun of...by adults...really? oh don't get it twisted, it's very easy to be in a HUGE family/group and feel lonely. How does one grow into a confident adult when your foundation is laced with ridicule? And then at school to be ridiculed because you didn't look like every other girl...yep i was the tall, skinny (90 pounds wet), dark skinned girl, the only thing that saved me was my talent (singing, playing piano) and the fact that was related to all of Brenham in some sort of way. It was in high school that I learned to develop walls and tough skin. You've got to learn to laugh it off when someone makes fun of you because your mother takes you to Houston (the city) to get your hair braided and nobody in your small town is wearing their hair like that. So you get made fun of for the fact that in the winter time, instead of a regular coat everybody else is wearing in the winter, you got Ugg boots with fur, a leather pant suit and floor length rabbit fur to keep you warm...i should mention this was in the 80s. Yep I was different...how dare i be different...and if i'd just stuck with my stubborness of being different i'd be in a whole different world right now. but at some point, my will broke and became somewhat like everybody else...well i tried to be. It was at this point that i realized i'm not like everybody else...at all.
The tradewinds of my life right now is that i'm still trying to fit a square peg into a circle. I'm slowly inching myself over to the right square opening but at this age, I'm feeling a tad vexed and upset at myself because I took so freakin' long to do it. I worked with one of my fave ATL bands last night Gurufish ..working the merch table and when i got home last night, I had added $$ to my pocket versus spending $$ on drinks or admission or whatever. and i'm thinking this morning, you know that's exactly what i'm supposed to be doing...adding $$ to my pockets at the end of the night versus spending $$..this just adds to the motivation to keep going in the route i'm going..i'm talking about school/sound engineering or wherever this degree takes me. i'm connected to toooooooo many industry/entertainment/musician people as true friends to not be about to do some damage in my old age. one thing that saddens me is that i've let my internal confusion take too much time and i won't get to be a mommy. i didn't think it would effect me as much as it does..but it does. yep my first marriage was a bust and i've seen a lot of infidelity but the deepest part of me still believes in one love, being the apple of "his" eye, one family unit versus the new baby mama/daddy thing that's happening. Not sure what's going to happen there but that's too emotional to deal with right now.
Wow i'm sharing some stuff right now...whomever is need of this let me close out by saying..don't let life drag you down...don't let your circumstances, your current circumstances drag you down and make you count yourself out of the game of life. Keep fighting, keep your passion alive, do it..do NOT leave this earth without experiencing what it's like to do your thing! And don't EVER tell yourself you're not good enough, that in itself will knock you out of the running when opportunity comes up. You'll talk your own self out of the game...DON'T do it!! Stay in there...God will send you friends that are there for you to keep you uplifted..listen to them and store what they tell you in your spiritual mind/ear. When you need it, it'll come back and even though i don't have one here in the "A"..find a ministry that can be your foundation in the Word. Find a place that will show you how to read, study and apply those scriptures to your life. That's really what God wants us to do anyway..learn and apply. all of the other pomp and circumstance is fluff and should be ignored. (but that's a WHOLE nother story)
So......i need to go get dressed now..i've told myself we are going to church today and i will not do a self-sabotage move and be late. So thank you for traveling with me..and remember to stay motivated and cherish the love you have, every moment as long as you shall live...
*peace and blessings*
Sunday, August 19, 2012
If Only For a Moment....
Hello World...
my inner voice started talking to me again, so i need to get this out quickly....
*i wanna give a shout-out to my ATL homette Tina ATL..lemme tell you, if you EVER wanna get drenched in some poem erotica, if you ever want to go to a unique date night/romantic event...this is who you need to take heed to. This lady is the truth! My next installment is not all the way on her level erotica but is done in the spirit of intmacy and romance which is erotica's foundation. enjoy.*
*click here for your mood music*
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*peace and blessings*
(2nd installment by Nissa K)
Created/Owned by Annissa K Elliott
my inner voice started talking to me again, so i need to get this out quickly....
*i wanna give a shout-out to my ATL homette Tina ATL..lemme tell you, if you EVER wanna get drenched in some poem erotica, if you ever want to go to a unique date night/romantic event...this is who you need to take heed to. This lady is the truth! My next installment is not all the way on her level erotica but is done in the spirit of intmacy and romance which is erotica's foundation. enjoy.*
*click here for your mood music*
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If Only For a Moment
If only for a moment...
the feel of the strength in your arms
If only for a moment...
the light headedness that hits me as i inhale your cologne
If only for a moment...
the feel of the light kisses on my neck and shoulders
If only for a moment...
the support felt by knowing you are in my corner
If only for a moment...
the warm fuzzies felt just by your presence
If only for a moment...
the school girl giddiness I feel by your voice on the other line
If only for a moment...
the way my whole body responds to you
As a woman...any woman out there can testify...i'd like to experience all of that even if only for a moment.
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*peace and blessings*
(2nd installment by Nissa K)
Created/Owned by Annissa K Elliott
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