Hello World...
It has been umpteen days since my last post and a lot of stuff has happened. So let's get to it.
First update:
My new friend and I are trudging along BUT i'm noticing I may have attracted yet another hard working entrepreneur who may have bitten off more than he can chew. Either that or the Lord is trying to tell me to be patient. Business owners have crazy schedules and have to be on alert at all times. The step is to get the business up and eventually get staff that can effectively and efficiently run it..but until then he/she has to be there everyday. I'm more hands on, like to date, not every weekend but some quality time is needed. And not a quick hour here or there after work/on the way home. *sigh* I don't know...but I'm not stressing about it either. I know how to remove myself from something when I start feeling unwanted. One day you see me, the next day you don't. Simple as that. So we'll see how that goes.
Next update:
My homegirl is still here and this is kinda cool! I've done roommate situations before and those were okay but after those two and then had to move back with mom and my younger siblings for awhile, i vowed to never do it again. But I have to retract that statement. When you share a space with someone that knows how to respect the space, it's works out very well. We are both used to having our own space so we give each other that respect and meet in the middle for girl talk. I'm going through a pair down/downsizing of "stuff" that I have including cable. I'm going to check on what's needed for regular TV, I think I have to get some sort of box or something for regular channels. *shrug* i'll check it out. I didn't think I'd be able to make it without DirecTV. LOL! I don't miss that bill either. I need to contact them to come and get their boxes and remotes.
Hmmmm what's next?
I got a call from a past flame...how "past" you ask? Kinda recent....I thought I was cool, I was over "it" and with this new guy that just appeared that it was a sign that it was truly time to release. So when i got this call and my heart rate increased and as our conversation continued a tear drop found it's way down my face, I knew I was somewhat healed but not 100%. Man oh man.....it's definitely sometimes hard to say goodbye to yesterday. Especially when that yesterday has had your heart in his hands for so long..man! BUT the present is working out well so no long standing heart ache over here. *whew* I think the Lord knew that call was coming and knew I needed to be ready for it. Thanks God, once again! LOL!
On the professional front:
I'm signing myself up for voice lessons with Premier Vocal Coaches. I just registered, I hope I did it right so I'm waiting to hear back from them. The church media group took a tour of AIBTV studios. It's the studio that airs our church broadcast. It reignited my audio engineering fire bug AND I spoke with the Audio guy there and gave him my information and he suggested that I look into being foley. Takes me back to what my first film professor said. So I think I'm going to look into it. Contact her and see what other information she can give me. Next step is legalzoom.com for this LLC. I keep saying I'm gonna do it and don't.
Not so good update. I got back in the world of pay day loans and currently have 3 out for a total of about $300. That's $300 dollars more I could have in my pocket. Here I got again stepping backwards. *sigh* Anyway, I'll be handling that soon. Ok...oh yeah, I didn't go to my reunion this year. Just didn't feel like it. Im starting to feel like I put more energy into being around my own DNA connected folks than they do so i'm just not going to put out the extra effort or energy like I used to. If they don't really care, neither do it. point blank..period. No harm no foul...
End of the day..As the world turns, the heart speaks...and my heart says "Continue to live..." and first lady spoke yesterday on winning souls for Christ. You don't have to do anything extra just live like you have some sense. When you do that it draws people to you and THEN you can share your testimony and then invite them to your ministry. Don't pull folks from other churches, there are plenty of folks out there with no covering. So with all of that said, I need to update the way i'm living. I'm on it.
I thank God for this day, I didn't have to be here. I will be more vigilant on doing what i need to do before I leave.
*Peace and Blessings*
p.s. found out that Bobby Blue Bland passed away yesterday (Sunday, June 23rd) to honor his memory, I end with this song. RIP....
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
What today means to me...
Hello World...
My last two posts dealt with me having a temper tantrum. LOL! Literally, my mindset just goes to the left sometimes. And then when i snap back, I'm like "what the hell was I thinking?"
Today..well this weekend was my 2013 Turknett Reunion - I didn't go. I couldn't do it this year. I could've bought a plane ticket a few months ago but didn't and then I said "oh i'll drive" but the closer it came, I knew my heart/soul/body was not into that 24 hour drive. Plus everything happens for a reason, if I'd left I wouldn't have been here for a friend. Sometimes friends just need to know they have support, nothing extravagant just some stability. Peace of mind is a beautiful thing. And as I type this I pray that God continues to supply that and put keep me on the mindset of stability.
Today is also Fathers day. I don't have the greatest relationship with mine but I like the fact that a connection exists. I used to try to hold onto yesteryear anger but it only held me hostage. At one point after i moved here I wrote my father a letter and told him that I forgave him and I did. I will call him once i think he's up, it's 8am in Texas right now, and tell him Happy Fathers Day.
Everything with the new "friend" is going well. Still in "getting to know/honey moon" stages so we're still giddy. i'm not saying i want it to wear off but I know it will eventually. Then again, I don't know he's such an intriguing guy, maybe it won't. I don't know but we'll see. *tee hee*
One cool thing I found out while dining out yesterday is a chef that I know, now has a cooking school which I plan on taking courses in and his classes include - How to Smoke/BBQ. OMG! That's the one thing i've always wanted to know how to do! I can do a lil something something in the kitchen but i've never been allowed near the pit when my cousins and uncles do their thang. I'm excited, I can't wait!
So what does today mean to me? It means regeneration, it means new life, it means excitement, it means....
~peace and blessings~ ;-)
My last two posts dealt with me having a temper tantrum. LOL! Literally, my mindset just goes to the left sometimes. And then when i snap back, I'm like "what the hell was I thinking?"
Today..well this weekend was my 2013 Turknett Reunion - I didn't go. I couldn't do it this year. I could've bought a plane ticket a few months ago but didn't and then I said "oh i'll drive" but the closer it came, I knew my heart/soul/body was not into that 24 hour drive. Plus everything happens for a reason, if I'd left I wouldn't have been here for a friend. Sometimes friends just need to know they have support, nothing extravagant just some stability. Peace of mind is a beautiful thing. And as I type this I pray that God continues to supply that and put keep me on the mindset of stability.
Today is also Fathers day. I don't have the greatest relationship with mine but I like the fact that a connection exists. I used to try to hold onto yesteryear anger but it only held me hostage. At one point after i moved here I wrote my father a letter and told him that I forgave him and I did. I will call him once i think he's up, it's 8am in Texas right now, and tell him Happy Fathers Day.
Everything with the new "friend" is going well. Still in "getting to know/honey moon" stages so we're still giddy. i'm not saying i want it to wear off but I know it will eventually. Then again, I don't know he's such an intriguing guy, maybe it won't. I don't know but we'll see. *tee hee*
One cool thing I found out while dining out yesterday is a chef that I know, now has a cooking school which I plan on taking courses in and his classes include - How to Smoke/BBQ. OMG! That's the one thing i've always wanted to know how to do! I can do a lil something something in the kitchen but i've never been allowed near the pit when my cousins and uncles do their thang. I'm excited, I can't wait!
So what does today mean to me? It means regeneration, it means new life, it means excitement, it means....
~peace and blessings~ ;-)
Monday, June 3, 2013
Update - "Slipping Away"
Hello World...
So I pull up Sunday's Aries horoscope and pow! Bam! Boom! Look what it's telling me about being overly sensitive and then I go back and read my blog from this weekend...umph umph umph! Just an overly sensitive Aries I was.... HAAAA!!
Enjoy the horoscope and sign up with them to get yours at www.dailyom.com
June 2, 2013
Healing the Past
Aries Daily Horoscope
So I pull up Sunday's Aries horoscope and pow! Bam! Boom! Look what it's telling me about being overly sensitive and then I go back and read my blog from this weekend...umph umph umph! Just an overly sensitive Aries I was.... HAAAA!!
Enjoy the horoscope and sign up with them to get yours at www.dailyom.com
June 2, 2013
Healing the Past
Aries Daily Horoscope
Your sense of vulnerability to others’ opinions could make you feel overly sensitive today. This feeling of being exposed could be due to your own judgments about yourself, which you might then look for more carefully in your interactions with others. Being able to understand the workings of your inner critic could make you feel less exposed and may help you to react more positively to the opinions you receive from other people. Should you at anytime start to feel judged today, you may wish to ask yourself if that comment or action reminds you of anything you experienced in the past; you may find that your reaction is based on something that is not even related to your present experiences. As you come across your emotional trigger, you might wish to imagine that you have the power to change your past reaction through your current situation.
Seeing how our past relates to the ways in which we interact in the present is a powerful way to heal our critical thoughts about ourselves. Once we recognize that our vulnerability has more to do with our history, we will begin to understand that reacting more positively in the now can alter and restore things that happened in the past. Rather than feel sensitive, we transform ourselves and instead begin to feel a greater sense of empowerment.
Seeing how our past relates to the ways in which we interact in the present is a powerful way to heal our critical thoughts about ourselves. Once we recognize that our vulnerability has more to do with our history, we will begin to understand that reacting more positively in the now can alter and restore things that happened in the past. Rather than feel sensitive, we transform ourselves and instead begin to feel a greater sense of empowerment.
Reflecting on what sparks your feelings of judgment today will enable you to change the ways you react to certain situations, which will in turn cultivate healthier and more healing interactions.
Peace and Blessings!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Slipping Away....
Hello World...
Yesterday started out as a strange vibe day with the non-boiled eggs. In my 41 years i've NEVER not succeeded in boiling an egg and it happened yesterday. I knew then that the day was going to be interesting.
Saw my new friend for a split second and hung with my homette that is in town visiting and the day seemed to be going back to the positive side. Went to a nice fish fry outing at a park...great energy..good food...great people. Then somewhere something went wrong...a comment was made that made me feel like I was in the way. See this was a Frat/Soror type thing and of course my life decisions have caused me to NOT be a part of that world and the way it's looking it'll never happen. So when i'm at one of these things, yes everyone is nice but i'm definitely an outsider and this is my homette's thang. So to already know you're an outsider and then hear that comment made me start to back off. So that's where my vibe went to the left (negative). Then it just seemed like every time I said something it was considered funny/stupid not funny/haha. And there is a difference. So i removed myself from a scenario that irritated me during a small group convo and then as we head to another gathering i hear "well yes a man is allowed to have a few things out of order in their home but a woman should NEVER have anything out of order.." *BAM* upper cut to the chin towards me because I'm sort of a clutter bug so I haven't had a spot where there was a spot/place for everything in YEARS. I hold onto stuff...which i probably shouldn't but I do. I realized that when i moved from a 2bedroom to this 1 bedroom. I had so much "junk" stuff it was ridiculous! So there are two ways to take that comment - Negatively and Positively. Last night...i took it negatively and it hurt my feelings because i find myself "again" in a scenario with someone I consider a friend and just got hit in the gut like that. So i'm like "oh wow, she took it there! Why?" As the night went on the tension slowly died down and things got a tad better. Great company, games, good food and i actually watched the playoffs. LOL! I couldn't believe it. I'm more NFL than NBA but i'm a sports fan so I'll watch if it's on and if it's the thing the group is doing. *shrug* it's whatever. LOL!
And next event later on, things seemed to have gotten better but that comment will stick with me....forever. I think because what I heard was "you have to be perfect" and I'm far from that in a whole bunch of areas in my life and will never be that so it made me mad. And then fast forward after sleeping on it and coming to the conclusion that i'd already made up in my mind that i wanted to start pairing down stuff to get rid of the junk and work on my clutter free project, I was like ok..the message is the same, i just didn't like the presentation. *shrug* whatever! And at the time with the other emotions I was dealing with, I didn't need to hear that.
So the positivity of it all is now making itself known. You see when I first started this blog entry I was in the mindset that I was slowly slipping away, that I was again close to ending everything. Because being mediocre sucks and I can't seem to get my shit together to do something with my damn life and it's starting to make me angry! So I was at tears..felt like my life was slowly slipping away. Then I logged onto my church website wileyjackson.org and Bishop's meditative word for today was "when you start talking about your situation to God, you limit His power in working things out." That's a paraphrase but that's the message and I was like "ok Father, I hear You." I seem to keep repeating this same vicious mental cycle, except this time I'm paying tithes on a regular so I'm hoping that will make my outlook better. I seem to go from highest heights of "Living my life like it's golden" to "Fuck this shit i'm out" there's nothing in between. I mean i think about school, it's on halt right now and the job is a mediocre attempt of me holding on. And then i see my friends/associates successfully doing their thang...making it happen no matter what and i'm like "Nissa, you are a sorry one for real..you ain't got kid the first, no negative man in your life trying to stop you..you are stopping YOU." ugh!
Anyway, right now my spirit is better but I still feel myself slowly slipping away and I'm scared that one day there will be no pep talk to bring me back.
Every birthday takes me closer to the end and i'm starting to feel like a true failure. That one that talks about what i'm going to do and never doing it.
Pray for me...
*Peace and Blessings*
Yesterday started out as a strange vibe day with the non-boiled eggs. In my 41 years i've NEVER not succeeded in boiling an egg and it happened yesterday. I knew then that the day was going to be interesting.
Saw my new friend for a split second and hung with my homette that is in town visiting and the day seemed to be going back to the positive side. Went to a nice fish fry outing at a park...great energy..good food...great people. Then somewhere something went wrong...a comment was made that made me feel like I was in the way. See this was a Frat/Soror type thing and of course my life decisions have caused me to NOT be a part of that world and the way it's looking it'll never happen. So when i'm at one of these things, yes everyone is nice but i'm definitely an outsider and this is my homette's thang. So to already know you're an outsider and then hear that comment made me start to back off. So that's where my vibe went to the left (negative). Then it just seemed like every time I said something it was considered funny/stupid not funny/haha. And there is a difference. So i removed myself from a scenario that irritated me during a small group convo and then as we head to another gathering i hear "well yes a man is allowed to have a few things out of order in their home but a woman should NEVER have anything out of order.." *BAM* upper cut to the chin towards me because I'm sort of a clutter bug so I haven't had a spot where there was a spot/place for everything in YEARS. I hold onto stuff...which i probably shouldn't but I do. I realized that when i moved from a 2bedroom to this 1 bedroom. I had so much "junk" stuff it was ridiculous! So there are two ways to take that comment - Negatively and Positively. Last night...i took it negatively and it hurt my feelings because i find myself "again" in a scenario with someone I consider a friend and just got hit in the gut like that. So i'm like "oh wow, she took it there! Why?" As the night went on the tension slowly died down and things got a tad better. Great company, games, good food and i actually watched the playoffs. LOL! I couldn't believe it. I'm more NFL than NBA but i'm a sports fan so I'll watch if it's on and if it's the thing the group is doing. *shrug* it's whatever. LOL!
And next event later on, things seemed to have gotten better but that comment will stick with me....forever. I think because what I heard was "you have to be perfect" and I'm far from that in a whole bunch of areas in my life and will never be that so it made me mad. And then fast forward after sleeping on it and coming to the conclusion that i'd already made up in my mind that i wanted to start pairing down stuff to get rid of the junk and work on my clutter free project, I was like ok..the message is the same, i just didn't like the presentation. *shrug* whatever! And at the time with the other emotions I was dealing with, I didn't need to hear that.
So the positivity of it all is now making itself known. You see when I first started this blog entry I was in the mindset that I was slowly slipping away, that I was again close to ending everything. Because being mediocre sucks and I can't seem to get my shit together to do something with my damn life and it's starting to make me angry! So I was at tears..felt like my life was slowly slipping away. Then I logged onto my church website wileyjackson.org and Bishop's meditative word for today was "when you start talking about your situation to God, you limit His power in working things out." That's a paraphrase but that's the message and I was like "ok Father, I hear You." I seem to keep repeating this same vicious mental cycle, except this time I'm paying tithes on a regular so I'm hoping that will make my outlook better. I seem to go from highest heights of "Living my life like it's golden" to "Fuck this shit i'm out" there's nothing in between. I mean i think about school, it's on halt right now and the job is a mediocre attempt of me holding on. And then i see my friends/associates successfully doing their thang...making it happen no matter what and i'm like "Nissa, you are a sorry one for real..you ain't got kid the first, no negative man in your life trying to stop you..you are stopping YOU." ugh!
Anyway, right now my spirit is better but I still feel myself slowly slipping away and I'm scared that one day there will be no pep talk to bring me back.
Every birthday takes me closer to the end and i'm starting to feel like a true failure. That one that talks about what i'm going to do and never doing it.
Pray for me...
*Peace and Blessings*
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