Hello World...I'm Scared!

Hello World....

I'm scared.....and this is a serious issue that I don't think can be fixed.

my high school years, I had a crazy accident during a track meet, I fell over a hurdle head first on a gravel track.  The result was a concussion and I'd have occasional headaches.  I told my mom and she took me to the doctor but the doctor just patted my head and basically said it was all in my head.  After that, I noticed that I'd have moments of fuzziness, like I'd existed for days, sometimes weeks and then one day I'd wake up and I had no idea what had taken place.  I still don't know what happened to my flute.  I just remember "waking up" one day and I was in the band room and I didn't have one anymore.  I still don't know what happened to my mom's blue jean jacket that I used to love...one day I had it...the next I didn't.  Mom...if you ever get to read this i'm sorry.

Flash forward to some years later, I develop a crazy ass strain of meningitis.  my brain was swollen up to about 3 times its size, i was in the hospital for weeks.  I survived but since then I've noticed a different kind of forgetfulness.  I love words, love writing...I now would be in the middle of a sentence and forget the word to use or be looking at an object and forget what to call it.

I've watched my granny die slowly of a dementia-like disease, I watched one of my aunts die slowly and another aunt is heading in that direction.  It's very similar to alzheimer's but it's actually the plaque that clogs the arteries and slows down blood to the brain.

This is making me scared to live.  making me scared to include others in my personal space.  I don't wanna be a burden to anyone  I don't know WHEN this is going to hit me.  Im not having a good memory day today (6/8/18) and it's making me scared.

I've just recently shot a movie short called "second thought" with TLB Productions that tells my story of a planned suicide but the spirits wouldn't let me.  It brought back some memories...good and bad...i surround myself with positive vibes and prayer...

i'm not sure if anyone else will ever read this...if so, now you know...if you didn't.

~Nissa k~