Self-Sabotage - i rebuke you!

Hello World....

i'm feeling the spirit of self-sabotage coming on me again.  This time in a different part of my life.  It's not financial, praise God for that, but it's physical.  My body is changing and I can no longer just do a couple of things to stay at a healthy size, I now have to do some EXTRA stuff and consistency is my weakness these days.  I'm not sure WHY but it is!

I have several fashion shows coming up and I need to be at my best.  Yes I'm a plus size model BUT I need to be a good plus size, that word is not synonymous with sloppy.

I've signed up with a trainer and did good for two weeks, even did my meal planning for a week.  And then due to other schedule issues, I haven't been back.  That's not an excuse though because I have a free fitness center in my work building.  AND my zumba class are not far from me.  Like I have NO excuse.  And then I know that this all makes me depressed and I don't want to be depressed.

Lord help me, continue to whisper to my spirit man to encourage me to be the best Nissa that I can be.

In Jesus name...

Amen!

~Peace and Blessings~

I'm not real sure....

Hello World....

Thank you for tuning in - it's December 28th 2012 and as I look back on my emotional rollercoaster type life i'm not real sure about what I'm doing.

I've been given a few opportunities but I seem to self-sabotage right when I get to the "blessing" part and then that makes me wanna back off and not do what i'm supposed to do.  Forward movement is truly the key but when one side wants to move forward and the other wants to hibernate and hide in a bottle it's a little hard to really function.  I mean really focus and function.  That damn imp named "self-sabotage" and guess what part of that word is "self" *gasp* which means it's in my control.  [raise ya hand if you want to just step on your own toes until you snap yourself out of "it".]  *ARGH!!!*  [hand is raised]

So even as I bask in the warmth of the positive vibes that I am surrounded by with my friends, which (by the way) also keep me grounded and motivated to go forward. LOL!!  Even as I bask and move forward I have moments of panic and  stopped motion.  Sad but true.  I really just want to (and i've said this before) either:
1. go back to the 1980s and catch myself right before i turn my motivation off

or

2. Find me a hypnotist that can turn off the negativity in my brain

i've wasted too much time even thinking about it..2013 I shall concentrate on thinking about the positive outcomes AND to stop putting myself down and speaking back/stupid outcomes into existence!  I shall! I shall! I shall!

In Jesus name....Amen!

*peace and blessings~~and happy kwanza*