Welp He died and got up...why can't I?

Hello World...

yes it is Sunday, Easter Sunday to be exact and also considered "Resurrection Sunday" because as the bible tells and believers believe, Jesus was crucified and buried on Friday and on the 3rd day he arose! (that's actually a song we used to sing at church) And ascended into heaven...So I look back at my previous blog, just in my mind actually of what I was dealing with, still somewhat dealing with. I don't know WHY I can't get this freakin' negative monkey off of my back! I was sitting as I was listening to some live jazz looking at the Atlanta skyline and had a quick internal convo that went something like this:

Me 1: Nissa
Me 2: Yes?
1: You know you weren't born and raised in Atlanta, right?
2: Yes?
1: You remember the hunger you had when you first moved here to do something different?
2: Yes?
1: So why have you put yourself in the same crazy ass rut that you were in before?
2: I don't know.
1: You do realize it's all mental, right?
2: Yes.
1: Ok so now what?
2: Now we fight to get back to why we came here!

So, the most infuriating thing about this is I'm literally going in circles. Circles I'm creating for myself because I'm being connected with so many FREAKIN' people that could get me to the next level but what do I do? Back off and get scared and then I have to start all over again mentally and i'm sick of it.  Straight up. If I don't get my objectives done and quit sitting around every year talking about "OH THIS IS MY YEAR!" every new years getting older, i'm a waste of air and space and skin. that's how i feel.  Now i'm trying to get my anger to overcome this "fear" that has somehow infested my brain.  I didn't used to be like this! I used to speak my next blessing and it would appear. I mean literally that would happen in my younger, fearless days! I need to find a hypnotist to help me stop remembering this fear.

So if Jesus could get up in the name of God and keep his thang going on the next level, then dang it so can I!

Ok so Happy Resurrection Sunday and enjoy this tune on the way out...
http://www.reverbnation.com/annissakelliott/song/15131736-blood-will-never-lose-its-power
~peace and blessings~

I'm not real sure....

Hello World....

Thank you for tuning in - it's December 28th 2012 and as I look back on my emotional rollercoaster type life i'm not real sure about what I'm doing.

I've been given a few opportunities but I seem to self-sabotage right when I get to the "blessing" part and then that makes me wanna back off and not do what i'm supposed to do.  Forward movement is truly the key but when one side wants to move forward and the other wants to hibernate and hide in a bottle it's a little hard to really function.  I mean really focus and function.  That damn imp named "self-sabotage" and guess what part of that word is "self" *gasp* which means it's in my control.  [raise ya hand if you want to just step on your own toes until you snap yourself out of "it".]  *ARGH!!!*  [hand is raised]

So even as I bask in the warmth of the positive vibes that I am surrounded by with my friends, which (by the way) also keep me grounded and motivated to go forward. LOL!!  Even as I bask and move forward I have moments of panic and  stopped motion.  Sad but true.  I really just want to (and i've said this before) either:
1. go back to the 1980s and catch myself right before i turn my motivation off

or

2. Find me a hypnotist that can turn off the negativity in my brain

i've wasted too much time even thinking about it..2013 I shall concentrate on thinking about the positive outcomes AND to stop putting myself down and speaking back/stupid outcomes into existence!  I shall! I shall! I shall!

In Jesus name....Amen!

*peace and blessings~~and happy kwanza*