We gon' see...

Hello World:

Well it's the new year! And i know people always come out with resolutions and stuff! Weight loss, better attitude or just the "This is my year" statement! LOL!

I always pop up with the "better attitude" statement.  I usually make a HUGE statement about what i'm going to do and be positive and a WHOLE bunch of stuff.  You don't believe me? Checkout my early 2013 posts. LOL!  Yep I was determined to be positive all throughout the year I was determined...yup but still making not so smart decisions....and by the latter part of 2013, I could tell shit might not be good at some point.

WELL guess what?  2014 is around the corner and to my naked eye, shit ain't looking good!!  Now on one side, I have recorded a couple of songs...but i didn't do ANY open mic performances. I never got the courage. At one point, i took a few voice lessons but couldn't continue them due to lack of $$.  I even did a few audio engineer type sessions but it was an hour away and so due to distance that didn't continue.  I'm sure dude will contact me again soon, I have his microphone. He let me use it to record songs. I even did a voice workshop with one of the industry's baddest vocalist, Keisha Jackson. Yup daughter of Millie Jackson and a sanging beast in her own right. Yup, I did but uuuh that didn't go anywhere.  I did join a church and celebrated a year there. I'm part of the Media Ministry.  I don't study the equipment like I need to since I'm no longer at school...oh yes, I didn't mention that part.  I found out that I no longer have student loan $$ available for school, so my journey at Ga State in the Film and Video program is definitely on pause, could be permanent pause.  I'm not sure but i DO know that I now have to start paying back loans..for me it's waaaay ahead of schedule.  On top of that the 9 to 5 that has been part of Atlanta life since my move here is starting to bore me.  Have I told 'em yet? Yep, kinda. So 2014 may also include a job change.  I'm slipping on taking care of my vehicle. And it's not even major stuff, just need to get the front brakes done and get a couple of new tires.  I did some research this last week and front & back brakes (with a mechanic putting own) plus two tires would cost me about $200.  An amount I'd easily have had I not gotten back into the payday loan rat race.  Oh I didn't mention that yet did I? Yep, like I said shit ain't looking good for me.

One good thing, I took my love for food review to a different level.  I now have a logo and food blog for my company Eat and Drink With Me.  Consumers can get to it via social media (FB, Twitter, Instagram) and I'm launching the official website 1-1-14.  I'm still working out how to get paid for reviewing food. LOL. Paying for it out of the pocket isn't going to work for too much longer.  So I do have at least one ray of sunshine in my life..something that I haven't messed up.

I often wonder if I'd had a kid by now, if that would have forced me to do better since someone else's life was depending on me.  I'm not sure. Sometimes I think "yes" sometimes "no". Since I haven't one yet (at 41) I couldn't tell ya.  I do know one thing, at 41, $$ definitely ain't like it should be. Hell my life isn't anything like I'd planned. I used to dream in color and literally I was singing with some group that I could never figure out who they were, but the harmony was so beautiful....I haven't had that type of dream in a long time!  I think it's finally too late.

You see the title of my post?  Yep that's where I am now.  I'm going to keep pushing forward but to my naked eye shit don't look good.  But because there is still a part of me that has mustard seed faith, I don't think I'll ever "end it all" and that little part of me also just keeps pushing forward.  Hope resides there.  Faith resides there.  Just that lil glimmer is there.  And that part of me is saying "We gon' see".  We gon' see, we gon' see, oh wait that's some country slang. We are going to see what happens, we are going to see what happens, we are going to see what happens.  There is still a special someone in my life but uuuuh with my decision-making skills being the way that they are, it's very possible that he'll back away slowly.  It's been 7 months and now comes the getting to see the real person part of it.  He may not like the real me...hell I may not like what I find out about him.  But as the title of my post says We gon' see!

Normally I have a positive ending to inspire YOU (the reader) but that's not going to happen this time.  I can tell you Happy Kwanzaa and that today's celebration point is:

Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics): To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.

Hmmmmm maybe I did just uplift.  If not you, definitely myself.  I am going to try my damndest to keep it together for 2014.  To make the right decisions and be a better Me. (oops i did it!) LOL!  But I'm serious though.  Do you ever have those moments where you see yourself making a decision and part of you is saying "uuuh you're going to regret this later..." and then you do regret it later. Yup. Those moments...I've had them a lot!  

I need you Father, I need you in my life, in my spiritual ear at all times! Lord I need you to guide me in the right direction! In Jesus name, amen!

Ok this is it! Oh speaking of "This Is It" - I will be doing a food review at This Is It BBQ and Seafood - Campcreek location for New Years!  Feel free to join me on that #dineandreview adventure!  ;-)  (see how quick i came out of that funk?)  LOL! And that's what I'm talking about. I think about all of the crazy ass decisions I've made and start getting depressed and then I remind myself of the positive decisions I've made and life looks better.  I don't know.  I do know that I've set some things in motion that may not have the greatest turn out so uuum just stay tuned to what the hayal is about to happen in my world. LOL..but not really if you know what I mean.  Oh I didn't even get started on my crazy family and what they are doing or should I say not doing about the land that my grandparents left "us".  I tell ya what, money or the lack thereof, brings out the best in people.  Geesh! O_o

Thank you for entertaining "Hello World".