What would you do for a klondike bar?

Hello World...

*click for your blog music*

You see the post title? LOL! Got your attention didn't it? Well i'm glad your curiousness got the best of you.  At this point in my life, I feel like I'm still not making the best choices.  My free will is turning into brick walls instead of free will type choices to set me free.  I'm trapping myself in a box instead of freeing myself with ALL of the possibilities that my talents and gifts have given me. I see other people around me that have used their talents the right way that are achieving that are achieving that are achieving....

I feel like i'm failing, failing, flailing flailing...and in a few minutes i'm about to make a "lesser of two evils" decision to escape the results of yet another error in judgement on my behalf.  At 40, you'd think i would've figured out how not to get on the hamster wheel but it's slowly starting to feel that way.  You see i'm damaged goods in more ways than one.  Nice to look at but poisonous to the touch...  So what do you do when you keep fucking up? How and why would God continue to help me when my latitude/longitude is due to my mindless wandering.

At this point, i'm out of undergrad student loan money..i did have the two classes picked for the Spring 2013 semester and I was about to start looking for the additional funds I'll need after using the very last $$ I have available and then last Wednesday, I get a text that my Spring bill was available to look at and then it showed a credit balance which alarmed me.  I had to pay out of pocket for the Fall 2012 semester so I knew i'd have to do the same next semester.  The second class that was perfect (friday - 1pm) for my work schedule was cancelled.  So now i have to look for another evening/weekend class.  evenings...a few..weekend...not at all.  Film/Video major/Music minor - i'm a senior at GSU and so now truly the majority of my classes are during the day.  *what to do?* i mean all faith stepping stones led me to GSU, now what? i'm writing scholarship letters and applying so it's not like i'm sitting on my hands. I do seem to have more connections in the Audio world that will pickup soon.  I've been approached more than once about doing "marketing" work which scared me because that word always equated to frustration to me.  Mainly because it includes something else i don't care for, that's research.  But as I take this faither walk guess what i have to do ..research. I don't know, i'm not trying to sound perfect, holy and sanctimonius, this is me...this is it. I'm flawed. BIG time.  And at the same time, i'm irritated.  Not to the brink of tears right now but i just feel confused.

The title says "what would you do for a klondike bar?"  My klondike bar is a hypnotist that can take away this crazy ass mindset that I'm less than. yep i said it....a continuous low-level depression state will slowly chip away and make you feel that way.  I feel like my decisions have limited the plans that the Almighty had for me because i KNOW this can't be it. i'm tired of always waving my hand and saying hallelujah everytime a preacher preaches about making out of something and going from broke to rich.  I want to finally wave my hand and say "Lord thank You for bringing me out."  That thang nestled in my brain and has seem to grow almost as thick as the kudzu that plagues Atlanta.  i have too much crap to do to constantly battle over this.

Anyway, what would I do? My honest to blue truth is to keep the faith and make better decisions and trust God to do what He said He'd do.  Like all theories, it sounds great on paper.  But putting it into Action...a different story.  speaking of Action, everytime I go to church - Gospel Tabernacle Church-Atlanta - my Pastor hits it on the head for me and our ministry's motto is: Word in Action.  Everytime I hear that, my mind chuckles and says "we're a verb church". LOL!

As i close, my suggestion to you is to write down your thoughts when you are in crisis.  By the time you get to the end, you'll have a decision.  AND pray and ask God to speak with you even in a dream to get an answer. (is what i'll be doing)

*peace and blessings*

Music credit:
Via youtube.com
Randy Crawford
Ahmad
Mariah Carey
Kool & The Gang
Avery Sunshine