Hello world....

I'm not having a good day at all.  Shit is just wack.  I was talking to a friend of mine and this text that I never sent to him made me realize something.  I'll share only because no one pays attention to this blog anyway so no one will know.....
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"Welp. That last conversation was embarrassing.  Yes my whole current life/situation is because of choices I've made so I can only be upset at me.  I can only be frustrated with me.  Nope i haven't created the best situation, but I'm attempting to move my mindset in a different direction.  Thinking & planning on a positive plan on a different plane.  Yet even with all of that and being positive and just keeping my head up & attempting to not think negatively about myself, spiritual & all I'm still human.  I'm looking in the mirror & I'm not liking who I see.  I'm sure the easy, quick response is fix it! That is easy for someone else to say, it's deeper than a quick fix and I'm not sure I'll ever figure out how to fix it.  The depression that I've fought my whole life is finally coming full circle, bubbling to the surface and I don't know how I'm about to handle this.  The common denominator of my problems is me.  The root of the problem is me.  If I'm no longer here, the problems would go away.  The world would be the better for it.  I'm sure of it.  I probably won't send this to you.  I'm not even sure how you even see me.  After today's convo, you probably wouldn't mind disconnecting.  I'll probably never bring this up again but it's abuzz in my mental space.  I'll just continue on with life fighting to push through, pretending to be happy 100% of the time vs the true 15% of the time. I pray that God sends me an angel, this time this isn't looking good.
*Peace & blessings*
~Nissa k~"